week 3

it felt like time was really envious of me. the more i think of making more time to heal from this illness, the more i get hold back.

the last 2 weeks of Ramadhan went really fast, with me most of the time either breaking fast in the car or in the office with junks before going home at about 9pm daily.

i sometimes hate the job i used to love so much. but i hate to know i am not getting better as well.

but going back late everyday + barely having time to moisturize the whole body + not eating properly = worsened condition.

i know i am now supposed to start taking only 1mm twice a day but i felt like i want to continue taking 2mm twice a day - i want to see the improvements i made 2 weeks ago...would that be ok?

anyway..here's my bad condition after a long day at work in pants and no time to moisturize...

right leg

left leg

i have some time before bed time now, i'd like to catch up on more inspiring stories and quit feeling sorry on myself.

take care and have a great week ahead!

week 2

i was too busy the past week to update this blog. but praise to God, i think i am seeing improvements :)

hopefully i will be able to upload some pics tomorrow.

another week left before raya and i do want to feel a little more confident :)

have a good week everyone!

one week

it's officially a week now since i've started the OLIVENOL livin' liquid as sent by ManHon and team.

i don't see much improvements, as the condition looks more reddish and dry. i have to put more moisturizer - usually after shower and putting on moisturizer the skin look really red. but will continute taking 2ml twice a day for 2 more weeks as instructed.

my worst areas are of course the legs - i think it's because it's mostly covered throughout the day.

while my scalp is much less flaky after the henna hair treatment and i will go for second treatment next week.
anyway here are enlarged photos of my current condition:

right leg

left leg

right elbow

left elbow

stress?

people often say stress is an outcome of an uncontrolled emotions.
people often say we have to control how we feel and avoid unnecessary stress.

but people are made differently. each of us reacts to different pressures differently. some people are cool as ice, some people jumps at the slightest sight of an unfortunate outcome.

it is easy for people to ask you to calm down and relax. it's easy for them to tell you there is nothing to be stressed out about.

but they don't know how it feels. because they don't have P.

i cried myself to bed last night. having spent a good 20 over minutes putting on the moisturizer on my skin.
feeling ugly. deep to the bone.

having to just turn 29 makes it worse. that's one year to the big 3-o.
i am ugly. and single at this point of time.

u women out there knows how it's like. u want to feel beautiful. u want your other half to tell you that you are beautiful.

well having this ugly patches on tummy, back and legs are not a beautiful sight.
that i can tell you.

i have this macho, miss independent women outlook when i am at work. but i can't hold it for long. i am fragile. and helpless.

i need to get over my P condition. even if i don't get cured 100% i wouldn't mind just tiny spots.
it's too early to see OLIVENOL results.

when i read other P patients' blog and watch their videos, i get so inspired.
then when work and stress piled up, i lose the momentum again.
sigh.
this is a phase.

birthday

it's my birthday today and it's great to always have a public holiday to go along with it :)

i wish none other than significant improvements. these patches are still red and itchy. but am also trying the new olive butter lotion i got to go along with OLIVENOL livin' liquid that i have started consuming.

have a great week ahead!

Fish

the package

i received this in the mail :

thank you very much you wonderful people at Triniaire! :)

will start tonight, God willing. the dosage i was told to take:

For 3 weeks: Take 2 ml / TWICE a day
After 3 weeks: Take 1 ml/ TWICE a day

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as for my condition, realized that within 24 hours the patches on the legs and back are getting worse. it's red all over and the itchiness really drove me crazy. i wonder if its caused by the combination of the extra cold office air cond + driving in the sun and getting stuck in jam (close to 2 hours to be exact, with added stress).

looking at the skin conditions sometimes makes me sad. but mostly hurt me. deep inside i am hurt to see myself this ugly.

anyhow i am really tempted to reach for the medicine cabinet. the beprosalic and daivobet cream are kept there. i know steroids are bad. my skin is so much thinner now, among others.

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pls share your strength and hope with me. i can be really weak and fragile.