a cheat

i endured one of the most painful period a couple weeks ago. no moisturizer works on the skin, every single part of my back was peeling off and each time i bend over even to climb up stairs of perform my prayers i will be holding back my "ouch" and "isk". it was painful. and sometimes i just burst out crying at home.

every single part of my affected skin was peeling off and when its dry its cracked up, all stretched and it felt like i was going to burst.

while work is winding down for 2009 and i was all happy about holidays etc, i couldn't avoid but to drop by pantai for some beprosalic.

i know i shouldn't. but i only needed a little bit. you don't know how it feels unless you've been thru it. i had fought against taking bepro for about 6-7 months but this time i had to...

but i have stopped using after a few days as i just need to feel smooth skin. i still have breakout. but at least i wont be embarassed to go to a spa at this point of time.

i am still consuming the olivenol pills. think im down to the last strip but will drop by the pharmacy this week.

i had a wonderful vacation although i had to hide my hands from the girls - my elbow was still bad.

anyway here's a look at my current condition:

working out routines

when the clock strikes 5 pm in the evening i will get jittery. i am addicted again, to working out. i was once much healthier when i work out at least twice a week. when i stopped, immediately gained weight. and after a prolonged period of not working out, my P strikes back even worse than before. last time i could wear short sleeves and never worry about showing a little bit of skin. but now...it's long sleeve all the way as my elbow is pretty bad....

so i thank you for your encouragements, dear readers. i do intend to keep fit again and hopefully will clear out some P. as much as i can i will try to maintain this routine. it will be hard, especially when my calendar from january to july involves extensive traveling. but i must try my best. if i don;t need this money i would have really just focus on working out and eating healthy and get well.... :)

i am always trying to be positive. but it's hard you know?
being in a line where i am always in the spot light...meeting people...some are beautiful girls. some are really good looking men. although they can't see my P (thank God for the sort of smooth skin on my face) i still feel inferior. i am sure u know what i mean...

maybe olivenol's effect is a little slow on me...but actually for now i think my skin is less flaky due to olivenol. which is good. but the dryness can sometimes hurt so bad i feel like i can't even bend down. after trying a few more alternative moisturizer, i think i will definitely stick with nivea creme. it's the only thing that gives me a good night sleep and comfort all day long.

i will post pics tomorrow. my phone is totally dead for me to snap pics...and it's not like i fancy looking at my legs anyway :(

i wonder what happen to ManHon and team? i hope i am not disappointing them in this experiment...

stagnant

i couldn't bare even looking at myself.
the flare on my body is not getting any better.

well, its less flaky. but it's all red and itchy! i don't even want to take picture of it. it's as if i am soaked in blood or red ink.

i am really sad with what's going on. especially when my diet totally exclude red meat, seafood (seashells) and dairy products.

i even take the olivenol pills with fish oil and never miss moisturizing. i have spent so much on moisturizer.

i am contemplating of going to my skin specialist again, dr chow at pantai. but the last visit (which was sooo long ago) was really hurtful. he was quite negative about me recovering. and somehow tearing down my confidence.

if you were in my shoes, and really in dire need to see a skin specialist, who would you recommend?

end of year

i am back from my work trip. what was a last minute arrangements turned into an eventful trip. and i am thankful i went.

it was winter and my flares were bad. i had nothing else to eat but seafood, and the fresh shrimp made it worse.

i am back and trying to work things out with my daily food diet. i need to know what to avoid and what to consume.

as the year is coming to an end i am also called to reflect on my year.

i think it's a great year nevertheless.
my aim next year is to clear out these flares. and to achieve what i really hope for.

take care!