a cheat

i endured one of the most painful period a couple weeks ago. no moisturizer works on the skin, every single part of my back was peeling off and each time i bend over even to climb up stairs of perform my prayers i will be holding back my "ouch" and "isk". it was painful. and sometimes i just burst out crying at home.

every single part of my affected skin was peeling off and when its dry its cracked up, all stretched and it felt like i was going to burst.

while work is winding down for 2009 and i was all happy about holidays etc, i couldn't avoid but to drop by pantai for some beprosalic.

i know i shouldn't. but i only needed a little bit. you don't know how it feels unless you've been thru it. i had fought against taking bepro for about 6-7 months but this time i had to...

but i have stopped using after a few days as i just need to feel smooth skin. i still have breakout. but at least i wont be embarassed to go to a spa at this point of time.

i am still consuming the olivenol pills. think im down to the last strip but will drop by the pharmacy this week.

i had a wonderful vacation although i had to hide my hands from the girls - my elbow was still bad.

anyway here's a look at my current condition:

working out routines

when the clock strikes 5 pm in the evening i will get jittery. i am addicted again, to working out. i was once much healthier when i work out at least twice a week. when i stopped, immediately gained weight. and after a prolonged period of not working out, my P strikes back even worse than before. last time i could wear short sleeves and never worry about showing a little bit of skin. but now...it's long sleeve all the way as my elbow is pretty bad....

so i thank you for your encouragements, dear readers. i do intend to keep fit again and hopefully will clear out some P. as much as i can i will try to maintain this routine. it will be hard, especially when my calendar from january to july involves extensive traveling. but i must try my best. if i don;t need this money i would have really just focus on working out and eating healthy and get well.... :)

i am always trying to be positive. but it's hard you know?
being in a line where i am always in the spot light...meeting people...some are beautiful girls. some are really good looking men. although they can't see my P (thank God for the sort of smooth skin on my face) i still feel inferior. i am sure u know what i mean...

maybe olivenol's effect is a little slow on me...but actually for now i think my skin is less flaky due to olivenol. which is good. but the dryness can sometimes hurt so bad i feel like i can't even bend down. after trying a few more alternative moisturizer, i think i will definitely stick with nivea creme. it's the only thing that gives me a good night sleep and comfort all day long.

i will post pics tomorrow. my phone is totally dead for me to snap pics...and it's not like i fancy looking at my legs anyway :(

i wonder what happen to ManHon and team? i hope i am not disappointing them in this experiment...

stagnant

i couldn't bare even looking at myself.
the flare on my body is not getting any better.

well, its less flaky. but it's all red and itchy! i don't even want to take picture of it. it's as if i am soaked in blood or red ink.

i am really sad with what's going on. especially when my diet totally exclude red meat, seafood (seashells) and dairy products.

i even take the olivenol pills with fish oil and never miss moisturizing. i have spent so much on moisturizer.

i am contemplating of going to my skin specialist again, dr chow at pantai. but the last visit (which was sooo long ago) was really hurtful. he was quite negative about me recovering. and somehow tearing down my confidence.

if you were in my shoes, and really in dire need to see a skin specialist, who would you recommend?

end of year

i am back from my work trip. what was a last minute arrangements turned into an eventful trip. and i am thankful i went.

it was winter and my flares were bad. i had nothing else to eat but seafood, and the fresh shrimp made it worse.

i am back and trying to work things out with my daily food diet. i need to know what to avoid and what to consume.

as the year is coming to an end i am also called to reflect on my year.

i think it's a great year nevertheless.
my aim next year is to clear out these flares. and to achieve what i really hope for.

take care!

raya haji

happy aidil adha to all Muslims.

the raya haji celebration as it is usually referred to, is all about making and appreciating sacrifices.

life requires certain sacrifices. and in the end, it is Him who knows best.

i am doing ok generally. have started to consume fish oil along with olivenol pills.
however the dryness of my skin can only be treated with nivea creme although i have tried so many alternatives. i guess it works best for me.

have a good long weekend to all.
and happy holidays to those who will be going for vacation this december!

the new stock

i came home today to find 2 packets of olivenol pills :) i am so happy to receive them. thank you very much ManHon and team at triniare :)

what i like most about these pills is that i can take them anywhere when i travel - especially overseas.

my current condition - after shower and putting on lotion:

unfortunately i am traveling again this winter. december to march non stop. it's a little scary because my skin would crack - especially my back and when i'm out at work the whole day i couldn't possible take off all my winter coat and sweater in the toilet to put on lotion...
any tips for me to keep my skin moisturized all day during winter.

have a good weekend. :)

the olive lotion

im traveling down south tmrw for a day trip meeting. somehow hopping on the plane is becoming more common to me than hopping on the lrt. but it's not fun when you're just a small fish :p
can't complain though..

by the way, to complement the olivenol intake i just got this olive body lotion from watsons. i love the smell and the texture. hopefully it can replace my more expensive nivea lotion..

:)
good nite!

updates

hello all!

i am much free-er now and won't be traveling till next year...
i have also resumed working out at the all women fitness studio. i feel good..

i have also finished reading this book! i digest each page slowly and make sense of each chapter...the writing style is simple, yet it's like playing darts. it hit me right on the bull's eye. things i wouldn't have said were mentioned clearly. so yeah. i am one of the P stats out there. i just wish...i'm still in the US where there's so much more alternatives to treating P. but i'm not...

the olivenol supply is running low but thank god i have some olivenol tablets which was purchased much earlier...

the condition - still very red...don't know if it's any different than my previous post...so please tell me what you think? here are close ups:

i love milk so much that i almost cried knowing i have to give it up. it's been 2 weeks without milk for me now. when i crave for it too much i'll have soya bean...avoiding meat is no issue for me but going for fish totally is a little too hard..i still have a bit of chicken now and then..

i was doing a work plan for 2010 at the office earlier.... and i just realized that i will be 30 next year. can you believe it?

wow. while other people are busy settlling down, i am busy battling P. people always ask why i am still single. apparently i am not bad looking ;) and have quite an interesting personality (ok they told me these things over and over again) but i am now trying to accept that and to love myself a little more. maybe by doing that i will then attract love?

i know i am mushy, i can't help it. i am a hopeless romantic.

anyway..sorry to ManHon and team for the slow updates. i always plan to update but sometimes when i got home from work i just go straight to my books. currently reading "the time traveler's wife". wonder if i would finish it in time to watch the movie? hehe.

have a good week ahead! take care :)

back from long absence

i just got back from overseas again. 2 weeks in a row - to a cold place. the one thing i hate is really - the skin gets really dry.

it's so much comfort to be back where it's warm and nice.

i use lots of lotion. the skin is more comfortable now. but the red patches are not gone.

i finally got my books!
i started reading them last night and will hope to finish the first book soon.

it's true what the author say - only we can control how we feel inside.

i am trying to think that i am also beautiful. i have a good heart. and i am capable of falling in love and being loved. i remember the times when i was happy. the psoriasis went away quite a bit. maybe that's what i need. to be in a relationship again...

anyhow. will post pictures tomorrow.

cheers!

back home

i have been away for outstation work for a week and didnt have time to update much. I feel bad. There's not much difference, maybe my skin is less red now but still require much lotion.

I am traveling for work again this wknd and am hoping i will have time to share more stories.

Take care everyone.

the crunch time

my books have not arrived yet...i need them by friday before i start traveling...

anyhow...i am spending more time at work than usual...it's the late evening work that gets me more productive. quiet, less stress. no buzzing sound of people complaining at the back..

anyhow..here's my current condition. it's just under maintenance with lots of nivea cream. i can't wear the olive oil or oil based product to work. i need to rush to work and i can't be smelling like olive or get stain on my clothes. i work in the ermm...frontlline if you may call it.

i am still taking the olivenol liquid diligently. i will not give up hope and i need to be strong.
i am fasting quite a bit lately to detox. hopefully it will work.

as to avoiding milk - i need to get a clearer picture if i should avoid totally. as i must have milk once a day....can't wait to read my book!

anyhow..have a good week ahead everyone!
happy deepavali to those who are celebrating. yummy maruku!

another week..

it's another long stressful week at work. i love what i do. but it's too stressful for me.
the skin is flaring. it's so obvious stress trigger it more than anything....

i am trying not to be stressed. but there are way too much to do and so little time....

anyhow..i never miss my olivenol intake daily. it's been a little over a month and although i haven't seen big improvements i am still hopeful..

groceries shopping

i know it's a little beyond 11 pm now but i have just a little more work to finish.


anyhow...i went grocery shopping with mom earlier, i got myself a week of supply of:

1) fish - the types i eat as i'm quite a picky fish-eater
2) tofu
3) Vegetables - organic grown
4) Yogurt - i am aspiring to have yogurt for breakfast daily ...

today will also hopefully be the last day i am eating chicken as a dish...at least for the next month or so. i am praying that i will be patient enough...

i have also just bought the highly recommended book "Healing Psoriasis, The Natural Alternative by Dr John O A Pagano" on amazon and hope to get the book in a week's time. :)

as i will be traveling overseas for work in a couple week's time it would be good to have a good book to read. the question is how do i read it subtly at airport and on the plane without anyone asking "Do you have Psoriasis?"

LOL/

good night everyone, have a good week ahead!
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p/s : as for my condition today - i am using way too much nivea cream to moisturize. if my skin gets dry especially my back i will start scratching.... i realize i am spending quite a bit for creme! i need to find an alternative, cheaper moisturizer as effective as this rich creme....any suggestions?

my sleeping time

when i was in secondary school, particularly in form 4 and form 5, i had so much trouble getting quality sleep at night. i was very uptight and was an introvert who couldn't care less about anything that goes around - except about doing well in school. that was the early days of my insomnia...

when i went over to university i had a very active lifestyle. and never had problem sleeping anytime i want.

then...came working life...that's also the beginning of my P journey...
my sleeping cycle was distorted - especially during the days when i am too tired and mentally drained at work. i'd be lucky to get about 3-4 hours of quality sleepat each night.

for now..i force myself to sleep by 11pm. sometimes it stretches till 12.
but after the email from ManHon, i will try the next 2 weeks to ensure even how busy i am, i must sleep at 11 p.m.

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ManHon has also forwarded an email from a P patient whose condition has improved significantly with olivenol, fish oil and less meat diet. i think i can try fish oil soon...but i am still unsure about intake of dairy products...i am taking the AlphaLipid milk daily as additional supplement..i am wondering if i should stop taking it?

what do you guys think? would taking milk makes my healing process slow?

have a good weekend. it's good to know i can write all these things to people who can relate. :)

week 3

it felt like time was really envious of me. the more i think of making more time to heal from this illness, the more i get hold back.

the last 2 weeks of Ramadhan went really fast, with me most of the time either breaking fast in the car or in the office with junks before going home at about 9pm daily.

i sometimes hate the job i used to love so much. but i hate to know i am not getting better as well.

but going back late everyday + barely having time to moisturize the whole body + not eating properly = worsened condition.

i know i am now supposed to start taking only 1mm twice a day but i felt like i want to continue taking 2mm twice a day - i want to see the improvements i made 2 weeks ago...would that be ok?

anyway..here's my bad condition after a long day at work in pants and no time to moisturize...

right leg

left leg

i have some time before bed time now, i'd like to catch up on more inspiring stories and quit feeling sorry on myself.

take care and have a great week ahead!

week 2

i was too busy the past week to update this blog. but praise to God, i think i am seeing improvements :)

hopefully i will be able to upload some pics tomorrow.

another week left before raya and i do want to feel a little more confident :)

have a good week everyone!

one week

it's officially a week now since i've started the OLIVENOL livin' liquid as sent by ManHon and team.

i don't see much improvements, as the condition looks more reddish and dry. i have to put more moisturizer - usually after shower and putting on moisturizer the skin look really red. but will continute taking 2ml twice a day for 2 more weeks as instructed.

my worst areas are of course the legs - i think it's because it's mostly covered throughout the day.

while my scalp is much less flaky after the henna hair treatment and i will go for second treatment next week.
anyway here are enlarged photos of my current condition:

right leg

left leg

right elbow

left elbow

stress?

people often say stress is an outcome of an uncontrolled emotions.
people often say we have to control how we feel and avoid unnecessary stress.

but people are made differently. each of us reacts to different pressures differently. some people are cool as ice, some people jumps at the slightest sight of an unfortunate outcome.

it is easy for people to ask you to calm down and relax. it's easy for them to tell you there is nothing to be stressed out about.

but they don't know how it feels. because they don't have P.

i cried myself to bed last night. having spent a good 20 over minutes putting on the moisturizer on my skin.
feeling ugly. deep to the bone.

having to just turn 29 makes it worse. that's one year to the big 3-o.
i am ugly. and single at this point of time.

u women out there knows how it's like. u want to feel beautiful. u want your other half to tell you that you are beautiful.

well having this ugly patches on tummy, back and legs are not a beautiful sight.
that i can tell you.

i have this macho, miss independent women outlook when i am at work. but i can't hold it for long. i am fragile. and helpless.

i need to get over my P condition. even if i don't get cured 100% i wouldn't mind just tiny spots.
it's too early to see OLIVENOL results.

when i read other P patients' blog and watch their videos, i get so inspired.
then when work and stress piled up, i lose the momentum again.
sigh.
this is a phase.

birthday

it's my birthday today and it's great to always have a public holiday to go along with it :)

i wish none other than significant improvements. these patches are still red and itchy. but am also trying the new olive butter lotion i got to go along with OLIVENOL livin' liquid that i have started consuming.

have a great week ahead!

Fish

the package

i received this in the mail :

thank you very much you wonderful people at Triniaire! :)

will start tonight, God willing. the dosage i was told to take:

For 3 weeks: Take 2 ml / TWICE a day
After 3 weeks: Take 1 ml/ TWICE a day

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as for my condition, realized that within 24 hours the patches on the legs and back are getting worse. it's red all over and the itchiness really drove me crazy. i wonder if its caused by the combination of the extra cold office air cond + driving in the sun and getting stuck in jam (close to 2 hours to be exact, with added stress).

looking at the skin conditions sometimes makes me sad. but mostly hurt me. deep inside i am hurt to see myself this ugly.

anyhow i am really tempted to reach for the medicine cabinet. the beprosalic and daivobet cream are kept there. i know steroids are bad. my skin is so much thinner now, among others.

--------------

pls share your strength and hope with me. i can be really weak and fragile.

first glance

today was exceptionally cold at the office. the building maintenance must have just serviced the air cond or changed the filter.

so for us P patients, the colder the air cond is, the worse it is for the skin. the skin dry up really fast and i wasn't comfortable at all. thank God for handy travel-size lotion i carry around - which i forget sometimes...by the way, the lotion/cream that works for me best is Nivea, not even emu oil...

nevertheless it was a pretty productive day. i helped review and restructured a paper we are submitting for our csr efforts and i personally think it sounds quite impressive :) hehe. anywhow can't wait to see what the bosses think.

driving back thru federal hway was really interesting. seriously if you don't have enough patience - don't drive in KL..hehe. but to release the stress i went on to work out for an hour before break fast. not bad of a stamina for a person who's fasting :)

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so it's my sixth day taking the OLIVENOL livin' pills, first day that i'm taking 2 in the morning during sahur and 2 after break fast.

as promised, (and really, i don't mean to gross anyone out :p) here's a peek at my current conditions:

the right leg - close up

the left leg - close up

the elbows

that's all i have for now. next i'll share some tips on how i maintain my scalp - which is at this point clear of any breakout. i am also curious to read other P patients' tips :)

have a great thursday everyone!

the story begins

my name is Ms. W, i'm a soon-to-be 29 year old malay lady who is full of life. i am an extrovert, i love my job and blessed with wonderful family and friends. i love activities under the sun but has come to terms that i can't do them too much.

i am a Psoriasis patient - a chronic skin disease that i was diagnosed with at the end of 2003. the disease which has made me battle with my self image, confidence, faith in God, and the ideal life that i have always wished for. it probably has to do with my genes as my mom said one of my great aunt had "skin conditions" but i somewhow know it's my stressful life at work that triggered it most.

Psoriasis, or P as i would refer to it from now onwards, has changed my life tremendously. in the first year or so i was so depressed i would rather be at home locked in my room and limit any social contact with guys.

but years have gone by. i have experienced a stage when my P is totally stable - i.e. i can be in my short sleeves, shorts, without feeling embarassed. but i have also gone through a phase where NOTHING works and it's hard to find a smooth part on my skin.

hopefully along the way i can share with readers a little more about the kind of treatment i've gone through.

but for now i'd like to talk about the new pills i have started taking only for about 5 days now - the OLIVENOL livin'. my parents was at the pharmacy one day - helpless to help me find something that might work. they are such angels, always trying to find out if there's anything that can ease my pain.

and so i went online, viewed their website and found out more about OLIVENOL livin'.

i know i shouldn't be putting too much hope on seeing significant improvements after taking OLIVENOL livin'. but one can only be hopeful. like mom used to say "Only Allah knows best, so do not give up hope".

i am inspired by the sufferings other P patients go through and i shall not give up hope.

at this point my P condition is pretty stable (no new spots) but the red dry patches just won't go away! it feels ok when i put lotion over it...but when it's dry it can drive me mad with itch!

in my next entry i will share some pics of my affected areas and hopefully in the weeks to come, we can see improvements in the pictures...